I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
