like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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