Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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