so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
