dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
