It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
