I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
