just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
