Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
