38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
