Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
