I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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