my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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