i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
