She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
