is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It's blow job season.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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