is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
