It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
