A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
