So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize