Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
