My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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