Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Randomize
