she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
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It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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