I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize