I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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