She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
