I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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