do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You left your phone here
Wait...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
