If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
