you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
