Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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