I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
