I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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