I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
