she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
