I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
