Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
