thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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