Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
