we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
