I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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