Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
