Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
