i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
