No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
