are you still at the devil's house?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
