$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
