You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Is it because I queefed?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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