i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
