Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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