i think my mom watched the whole time
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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