dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
