I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
