I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
