At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
