I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
