Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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