No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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