Three words: puerto rican gang bang
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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