Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
