I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My liver just broke up with me...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
