mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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