Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
