hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
