he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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