My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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