I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
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