this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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