He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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