do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
