Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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