Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
