I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
