I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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