Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
