Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
