My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It's shark week go big or go home
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
